I’m Sorry, but Your Fetus is not Viable….
The one sentence no pregnant person wants to hear. It was like all the joy and happiness was drained out of me and turned into sorrow.
When we first found out that I was expecting, the thought of a miscarriage never even entered our heads. We were so excited and I being the planner that I am, started thinking of fun ways to tell our parents.
Flash forward to three weeks and we are at the doctors office. I had a notebook full of questions and concerns, but first the ultrasound…. We were smiling nervously at each other with anticipation and excitement as we awaited to hear the heartbeat. In Kuwait, the doctor is the one who does the ultrasound, so you don’t need to wait to hear the results as in the States.
So I am laying on the couch with the ultrasound wand pushing against my stomach as the doctor is trying to find the baby and heartbeat. I started getting nervous because we were not able to hear the heartbeat. The doctor wasn’t able to get the heartbeat either, and had this frown on his face. He then told us at this time the “fetus was not viable”, but we can wait another week just to make sure. We both gripped each other’s hand and agreed with the doctor. Still with some hope and a positive attitude, made an appointment for the following week.
The following week came and we did another ultrasound, the doctor again was not able to hear the heartbeat and the fetus did not grow from the previous ultrasound. Again he repeated “I’m sorry, but the fetus is not viable” and told us what our options were. He also said we can get a second opinion. We said thank you and left his office. As we were walking out of to the elevator and going down, I tried to stay as stoic and emotionless as possible. I didn’t speak because I knew if I spoke at that moment I would break down.
Through some connections, we were able to get a second opinion the following day with another doctor at a different hospital. We went to the hospital and the doctor there told us the same thing. She told us take another week to wrap our head around the whole situation, but she didn’t recommend more than that to do the D&C.
Another issue we were facing was in three weeks we were supposed to travel to Canada for a friends wedding, and I was in the bridal party. I had no idea how I would travel and wanted to cancel the trip. I could not deal with seeing people and having to fake happiness when all I was feeling was devastation and heartbreak. We were planning on telling all our friends that we were going to have a baby and celebrate during our upcoming trip.
Then to top it all off I received a letter regarding my oath date for Canadian citizenship. This was another ordeal that we were dealing with for the previous year and wasn’t expecting this to happen so fast. We had to report on a certain day for the oath and there was no way around it. Our tickets were already booked for the week after the pre-selected oath day, so all this happening at once. There was no way to cancel our trip now! We ended up scheduling the procedure for a Monday and then traveled to Canada on Thursday. There was too many things going on and I was trying to hold onto my sanity and stay strong.